Yesterday was one month. We miss Owen terribly and there are constant reminders of him all throughout our lives, both sad and good. My thoughts are quite random...
I miss being pregnant and all that goes with it...having him stretch in to my ribs since he was so long, rubbing my belly and trying to figure out what body part I was feeling, the inability to breathe fully, the constant heartburn, going pee constantly, the swollen fingers and feet, the stretchmarks he left (which I will treasure forever), and everything else that wasn't so fun. It makes me want to tell all pregnant women to treasure even those not so fun moments, as those are great memories and all I have of Owen. All the pictures taken throughout my pregnancy make me smile and miss Owen, too. I did not want many pictures taken, but in the end, I'm glad I have the ones I do.
We have a closed door at the end of the hall that we just can't bear to open and look in to his room (although Gene was quite a trooper and went in yesterday to get a paintbrush for the neighbor to use. I guess he ran in very quickly and ran back out. I would have told him to go to the store for his own.). We have a closet in the basement full of baby gear...stroller, car seat and bases, pack n play...and other baby items (clothes from family that we would have gotten to use since they were all boy clothes, the bumbo seat I bought the day before from someone at work, bottles, our adorable monkey swing I got the week before...) in the basement that we just try to ignore when we go down there. I have a tub of maternity clothes in the corner of the bedroom that is filling up as I'm wash the ones I'm done with...still need some to wear. I still can't open the bathroom closet door and see his bathtub and toys, duck robe hanging on the back of the door, towels, washcloths, and other bath stuff. We keep getting mail from different companies as Owen's due date hit last week and they are sending us different junk mail for baby items, making the mail so much fun to get every day.
I think of all the cute little clothes we bought or were given...Owen would have been in Halloween clothes all this month as those are adorable and also pretty gender neutral...they were perfect and why he was our little pumpkin already. And, all the other adorable blankets, toys, books, and baby items we had gotten or been given that were going to be so much fun to use and see him use. Some of them will eventually be packed up and put away, as they are his forever and I'm not sure we could bear to see them...they would bring back a lot of memories every time we used them for another baby.
I remember exactly how he felt in my arms a month ago, his adorable face...chubby cheeks, big ears, cute little lips...he looked a lot like his daddy, but we could not figure out where the dimple in his chin came from...the tiny little hands and feet, his head full of dark hair, so long but so tiny (although if he had gotten to term he would have been a chunk). I remember the time in the doctor's office, the hospital stay, labor and delivery, leaving the hospital empty handed without our bundle of joy...it still feels like yesterday and I keep hoping I will wake up, the nightmare will be over with and Owen will be here with us.
There is much more I could add, but I'll stop now. We love you Owen and miss you so much!
No comments:
Post a Comment