It has been in the back of my mind the last few weeks that I should be doing the last minute things to prepare to welcome our baby in to this world. I should be happy for this Christmas coming up, but again it is just a dreaded day to know that we are again missing our babies here with us. I do not know whether we would have decorated more than what we have, which is quite pathetic but all we can get done at this time...a tree up and lights on it, but no ornaments or decorations on it, a couple of wreaths up, some Christmas scents going...no cards out, no outside lights up, no baking (not that I do much anyway)...the spirit just isn't here for us.
I've been killing myself at work the last couple of months...keeping so entirely busy there that I do not have a lot of spare time. I still would be stressing out some because it is outside circumstances/groups that are causing the extra work and it would be there whether I was pregnant or not, but I definitely would not be working the crazy hours or killing myself the way I am now...we would have definitely had to get extra help for this work. I went to a conference in Seattle at the beginning of the month, which I would not have done if I still would have been pregnant. I would probably be spending less time at the hospital...not because I would not want to be there, just because I would be afraid of what I could catch there and possibly pass along to our baby.
Instead of having you in this world with us, we got what I believe is a message from Owen to your aunt Gena in a dream, who passed it along to us a few weeks ago. That message did help...it made my day that day at the hospital. :) I know that the two of you are together, I know your name and that you are OK. It provided some peace in your loss, the not knowing who you were and the loss of getting to know you over the past 9 months.
We love you baby and miss you so much!
1 comment:
I'm sorry I didn't read this sooner, Ang. Thinking of you, and holding you tenderly in my thoughts. xo
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