Faith

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw this quote tonight and thought it is fitting since it is MLK day on Monday, but also for the journey we are on right now.  We have no idea what is in store for us in the future, but we hope it is blessed...and we have to remember to have that faith and keep going. 

We have taken the tiniest, first step in the journey...we have an appointment with a new doctor in the next month since my OB office is pretty much done at the end of May (although there is a rumor floating around that this doctor may be the one buying out the practice...so we'll see).  We want to meet and talk with him first before we even contemplate making any more steps.  I've gotten some amazing recommendations for him and his staff (well, except for the horrible lady that makes the appointments...she apparently is not very thankful to have a job these days...guess whoever made my first appointment was not this horrible lady though...).  Anyway, we want to know that whoever we decide on for a doctor will take the time to talk with us, assure us, not just push us through in 15 minutes or less to move on to the next patient and cause us to worry.  From what I've heard, seems like he will, but we want to get that assurance directly.  We'll see.  We barely see the first step of the staircase in our journey, but at least it is a step. 

It is interesting because what I've read is that after a miscarriage or stillbirth, many women either immediately want a new doctor or cannot imagine even switching...there is not a lot of in-between on it.  We were in that group of never imagining switching doctors.  Dr. O had been a good doctor, then she became a great doctor that day.  She cried with us in the ultrasound room, she cried with us several times at the hospital, she tried to give us comfort as best she could, she got to see and hold our Baby O for a few seconds before she gave him to us, she said he was perfect and wanted to find answers for us.  We knew she was very aware of our history and we wouldn't have to rehash it at future appointments.  We had an appointment with her the week she died and she once again tried to comfort us and reassure us that she would try to find answers for us, but 2 weeks after Owen was born, she joined him in heaven.  When we got the news through my co-workers (one co-worker's wife is an ultrasound tech at our possible new doctor and she passed the word to her husband, then it got around the office and then someone called me), I was in almost as much shock as the day we found out Owen had died.  I held it together through lunch, but almost immediately burst in to sobs when we walked in the house.  I remember saying what the hell are we supposed to do now and how could this be happening again to us...two weeks later.  I cried on the phone with one of the nurses the next week.  She had been the one to always do the "basics" when I was there for my appointments.  She was very reassuring to me on the phone even through the tears.  At least if I stuck with the office, I would have the great nurses who at least knew my history and I wouldn't have to explain it all over again.  Then right before Christmas at my hair appointment I find out that the other doctor in the office is retiring.  Again, WTF?  How can this be happening ONCE again?!  I called the office the day after Christmas and found out from one of the nurses that yes, she is retiring at the end of May and they are hoping that someone will buy out the practice.  The specialist in Springfield did not have any recommendations for other doctor's in Decatur...she was somewhat new again to the area (she did med school here, but residency outside of IL and is now back) and the only doctor's she was familiar with were Odunsi and Anderson...great.  I did a lot of asking around and finally found some great recommendations for this doctor.  We never imagined changing doctor's but we weren't given much of a choice.  I'm really hoping that the 3rd time is a charm.  Hopefully...trying to keep the faith.